didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
