I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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