your parents love me but you hate me
Your face is a jimmy john
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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