I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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