apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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