That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
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Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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