you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't put those talents on a resume
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
