The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
