the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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