He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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