butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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