I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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