I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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