after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And then he peed in my hair
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