hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
