Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
