is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
