My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
