Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this beer tastes like vomit already
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize