what day is it and did you see me today?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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