i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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