You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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