It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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