her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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