I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Non-Jews are for practice
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my being single is dangerous.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
