yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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