Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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