it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
