Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
