Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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