you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
