Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
