half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
