When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Watching her eat just hurts me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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