there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
