Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize