i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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