i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
