It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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