WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Will exercising make me less horny?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
