Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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