Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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