I accidentally had phone sex last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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