I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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