Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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