Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
