Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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