margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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