So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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