That's when you crack a 10am beer
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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