I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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