Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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