I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize