Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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