Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
